Why is writing so hard?
Last week, in the Almost Writers Club, the question was raised - WHY IS SITTING DOWN TO WRITE SO HARD?!?
(This question may or may not have been raised by me.)
I’m still building my regular writing practice, trying to write routinely to my own people in my own voice about my own ideas. I want to do it, sometimes I love doing it, and sometimes…. It’s SO HARD.
After the question surfaced, a beautiful list of possible explanations unfurled in my head, which I capture for you here. And, as somebody who often has to overcome resistance in order to meet a hard deadline, I provide some resistance-hacks to try when you find yourself avoiding / procrastinating about / negotiating out of writing.
Why Writing Feels Hard
FEAR OF BEING JUDGED
For many of us, starting in on a written piece begins with “what if it’s not good enough?” (Ever had that thought?!)
It can bubble up as a few different worries: not good enough, not smart enough, not interesting enough, not researched enough. Untangle these and they’re all versions of “What if I am deemed less than?”
I find any kind of creative, expressive writing hard because my starting position is: Somebody else has already said this better. I’ve heard lots of variations from lots of clients: I’m boring, I don’t have anything to say, I don’t know enough yet to write about this… it boils down to the fear of someone judging you and finding you lacking. Underneath the reluctance to write is a reluctance to expose your shortcomings to others. It’s hard to write for the same reason it’s hard to make yourself vulnerable - the fear that someone else will hurt you with harsh judgment.
RESISTANCE HACK
Write for one person - that one person for whom you ARE enough: that favourite client, the colleague from years ago, your mastermind partner. Writing with one person in mind is sage writing advice anyway; trust that your words will find the one person who needs them when they need them most. Sometimes this entails choking back the pride that keeps you safe from getting vulnerable. It’s a good stretching exercise. And if it still feels too scary to write, reassure yourself that most people aren’t actually paying attention. Your vulnerable post will uplift a few and fly right past many.
2. FEAR OF FACING UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS
The weird thing is, even when you decide NOT to share, even when you decide just to write as a personal & private exercise, even when you remove the option for someone else to read and decide whether you’re interesting, smart, or coherent…it can still be hard. What’s that about?
Whether you share or not, you will be writing about something - an idea, a thought, an opinion, a story, a point of view. Each time you sit down to write, it means sitting with your thoughts and feelings, processing those thoughts and feelings, and translating them into language. Both Thinking and Feeling can be uncomfortable. Even though I spend most of the day alone at my computer writing, I promise you - I do not spend a ton of time feeling. I’m masterful at distracting myself and remaining aloof. I don’t like sitting in uncomfortable wonder - why do I think this? Why do I feel this way? Why did I react that way? Why on earth did I say that?!
RESISTANCE HACK
We can get better at sifting through the uncomfortable stuff. The wise and wonderful Finka Jerkovic gave me some steps to help me feel my feelings.
Name what you’re feeling.
Notice where you feel this feeling in your body.
Notice what the feeling looks like, feels like, sounds like, even smells like.
Ask the feeling: How old are you? When did you first arrive? What was happening when you appeared? What is important to you? What do you want me to know?
Now, in the present moment, what do you want to say to this feeling? What is important for it to know?
Reflect on the experience and any revelation.
If your reluctance to write feels like it might be avoidance of the uncomfortable, set aside 20 minutes to work through these steps and see if this gets you unstuck.
3. FEAR OF WASTING TIME & EFFORT ON SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE
Writing takes time and effort. Even a quick, weekly email -- you put work into it. And frankly, it can be unsatisfying because now and then you’ll craft a piece that’s meh. Ryan Schwartz, one of my Copyhackers copywriting teachers, explains that people aren’t afraid of investing effort, they’re afraid of wasting it. With so much to do all the time, when you use a chunk of time to write and then aren’t happy… ugh. When we sit down to write, we simply can’t know beforehand whether this will be something we feel great about, or this will wind up just average.
I want to be clear -- this is a different feeling than writing something vulnerable and fearing others will judge it ‘not good enough’. This is the feeling of disappointment that you, yourself, just don’t love the post. (Of course, this can spiral into “if I don’t like this, surely nobody else is going to like this…” and turn into Fear #1).
RESISTANCE HACK
Walk away for a while. After you slam out that shitty first draft, schedule time later to come back to it. Embrace the first draft as idea-getting, not word-fixing, and accept that it won’t be perfect. Just write it. Then come back to review it. Tweak it. If in that sitting you still don’t love it, take another break. Let it simmer. Come back again. If you re-read it and still don’t love it (and the deadline looms) I would argue, finish it anyway and if it’s a blog or email that HAS to go out, send it. Laura Belgray helped me get over this one - that you simply can’t do your best work everytime. It’s impossible. You can’t produce constant A+s. Sometimes you’re going to send out a B.
4. FEAR OF COMMITMENT
The blank page. The infinite possibilities of what to write about, what angle to take and which words to use. There are so many options, but to write a coherent piece at some point you have to commit to one idea, one thread, and put your ideas into words. It takes patience and persistence to pursue a piece through to the end and finish up a final, polished piece.
I feel like (in this situation only) I’m lucky I only speak English. If I was fluent in two or three languages, my first decision would be committing to which language to write in! Are you overwhelmed by the blank page? Are you writing out a thousand different tangents? Pick a lane. :)
RESISTANCE HACK
Like any shiny object syndrome, go back to the reason you’re writing… that why. Are you sharing something someone else will gain strength by reading? Are you offering tips to help overcome an obstacle? Are you exploring a timely event and ideas? Anchor in. Jot down all those other possibilities and ideas on a different page, and get back to writing your one idea. We’ll read 2 or 3 books at a time but not 100. Because then we wouldn’t ever finish, not even one.
5. ALL the FEARS
In case you haven’t spotted the theme here, why we don’t write is the same reason we don’t do most things -- Fear. And the only hack I’ve ever heard that fundamentally addresses fear is -- do it anyway.
RESISTANCE HACK
Swallow the discomfort and start. Turn down your brain’s safety warnings and finish. Hold your breath and hit ‘send’.
Be gentle with yourself. You’re not lazy, you’re human. Which makes you, like everyone else, scared to death of exposing vulnerable bits.
But you’re also the only person with your perspective that describes the world in your distinct words. Someone out there needs to hear from you. Write to them.
If you’re scared of or resistant to writing, I’d love to talk. I want more #bekind business folks to write more, more often. There are loads of ways we can work together to do that. Resistance hack: I won’t charge you for telling me why you’re not writing as much as you’d like. :)